Positively Pessimistic Pondering Proverbial “P’s”

Monday, 29 October 2007 8:36 pm

Tonight I sit with my dictionary open, pondering the 7 P’s

Passion: A beautiful bowl of mixed nuts. Let us begin with the theological ideas associated with the passion of Christ, or the “oratorio based on a gospel narrative of the Passion” aka – Christ-like “suffering.” Um…let us venture to the more “worldly” definition ranging between ardent affection; the strong desire for / devotion to; a sexual desire; an outbreak of anger.
So…a range from anger to love to lust to deep religious sufferings. In a nutshell, let us just all get emotional.
What am I passionate about? According to our friends from Merriam Webster, any strong feeling I have could be passion. I can certainly say there is no strong sexual desire in any direction. Nor a strong suffering passion as one felt by the Christ in moments of self sacrifice. A strong desire for or devotion to…when I sit and think, I believe I must be off track somewhere because I do not feel such a strong desire for or devotion to anything. Standing outside my own shoes, many could say I have a passion for my job, for my kids. I mean, I do spend considerable time with and for those who seemingly take such a “passion” for granted. No. I cannot say I am passionately devoted to that work, unless we retreat back to that religious sacrifice thing, but... um, let’s not go there. I feel more drain from trying so hard to provide a positive environment for these kids who fight so hard to make this faith thing fit within their own individual agendas. They love the ideas, but only when it fits tucked away neatly within their sporting events and sleepovers.
A passion for my life? No. I would trade it easily. Satisfaction would fit, yet that does not begin with P. I think my passion would be more fitting as an “anti-passion:" those things which I would truly do well in their absence. Like television. And reality shows. And litter bugs. And those who would rather sit inside watching reality shows on television than enjoy the sun shining outside. A short digression of a story: the other day was a wonderfully brisk October day, not too cold as to keep you shivering in your jacket, yet not too warm as to illicit sweat as you walked three steps. So off I went with the mod squad, my three dogs, for a walk, accompanied by my friend and her little mop of a dog. As I walked around one of Pensacola’s great parks, I noticed there were not that many folks outside taking advantage of this great clear skied, October Saturday. Those who did venture out were sitting on park benches while their four legged “children” romped around in the water with the other dogs. Can we not enjoy the uninhibited play that our dogs so willingly enjoy? I do not know where my passion lays, perhaps one day I will figure it out, but as for me and my herd, we are passionate about these clear, crisp fall days in Florida which are few and far between.

Purpose: an intention, a resolution. An aim to oneself.
Ha. I must be in some form of rut. My purpose is to continue making house payments! In a perfect world, I would like to be a writer. Yet I know my writing is mediocre. Gosh. What is my purpose? It feels like trying to answer the age old question: when I die, what will I be remembered for? “Yep, that was a girl who sacrificed her social life for lives of teenagers. She owned a house, bought for the comfort of those mangy dogs. She kept and cared for her brothers crap, both literally and figuratively.” I could think of many ways in which I could have purpose, but as of current reality, my purpose does not really extend further than keeping my house clean of animal hair, the laundry done, the dishes wa"r"shed, etcetera in the domestics department.
Optimistically speaking, my purpose is to find happiness, both with others and within my own being. Watch out Buddha, here I come to sit a spell and ponder this whole happiness thing.

Pursuit: Don’t get me started on the pursuit in relation to that weeping willow of a writer in the “Eat, Pray, Love” vomit city. Pursuit: To follow up or proceed with. To engage in. Here’s my favorite: to Haunt. Oh what fun it would be to “haunt”
“To proceed with, to seek, to aim for as in a goal.” I can resemble this. I just have get my sights set in one direction. I do want to move on from this rut. And I would love to say I am active in my perusal, that pursuit
being the Mele Café. I would love to own and cook for a café all of my own and it be a wonderful commotional mingling of food, music, literature, and art. All things, ...brace for the backtrack… all things which hold my passion. Yet, I feel passion is too strong a word because when it comes to the four listed, I know mostly about food. I know some literature, but not enough, and ditto for music. As for art, we are not well acquainted. But that does not mean I would like to abandon all perusal of knowledge. I would like to reopen my sponge of a brain and begin soaking in those areas which interest my heart.
Warning… another sidetrack: Years ago, I got a degree from a university…a little no name college chosen because it was “close to home.” I got, for my person, a useless degree chosen because it was “easy.” Now don’t get me wrong, psychology is a perfectly admirable field of study. But could I do it over again, I would. I would go a more writing, journalism, artsy direction. I would study art history and try my hand in the creation of art. But my art is my cooking. And sometimes, when driven, my art is my writing.
For the final ingredient in my café: my feature of “local” flavor: local artists, musicians, writers, and such. Local talent is too easily overlooked for the pop culture trends…so there – welcome to my “five year plan.”

Position: why all these words with long definitions ranging from small to huge! Ok, let us take the easy route, and rather than dealing with the physical nature in the hierarchal arrangements of crap. let us commit our focus to the definitive point of view.
Call me Desperado, and no, I will not come down from my fences. I am proud to be a fence sitter. My Quote: “I do not feel strongly on either side of that issue.” I am my own “Devil’s Advocate.” I have no problem offering an opinion on either side of the position. I am an indigreen republicat. Don’t ask me about liberals and conservatives, I don’t know what those words really mean, and I will not pretend to care. I believe in our earth and will do what I can to help her out. I like to walk and ride my bike. I value the human life and the lifting of emotions; the building up of esteem. But I will not bomb an abortion clinic. I believe in peace. And my position will aim in that direction.

Pummeling…WHAT?? To pound or beat? What pummels me? Myself. That is easy. I am never satisfied. I feel like life has put me in a rut, and I am pummeling myself for getting here…but not to the point of never making that change. Well, some days sure, but some days no. Yea, my worst pummeling comes from me.

Progress…this is truly a joke. To proceed. To develop to a higher, better, or more advanced stage.
This comes two fold. I have progressed in the ten or so years since high school. I have a job with potential of career. I own my house. I have three farting dogs. I have progressed. I went from one job which broke me down to another job in a better situation. Yet, personally, I don’t like where I am. I could think now to many other paths I would have preferred had I taken the time to stop and think and really follow some instincts. Though I cannot honestly say those “passions” were apparent when I was in my younger 20’s. I feel they have surfaced in the past four or so years. So when you look at those realizations of passions over my recent history, I have progressed none at all. I am still in a job that wears me out, praying that it DOES NOT become career. But trudging along because I need that house payment. Since when was that sufficient motivation for an “X-er”?

Personality…the quality or state of being a person. I love Merriam Webster, state of being a person, "I think, therefore I am." Here we go…the complex of characteristics that distinguishes an individual or a nation or group. The totality of an individual’s behavioral and emotional characteristics. I love it, “the totality”
Are we ever totally fit within our personality? It changes with our situations. I can be a lighthearted air head not caring about what others think of me. Then I can be a sarcastic conversationalist wanting others to think of me. Then I can be a defensive brat denying what others think of me. And I can be a solitary ghost not wanting others to think of me. And I am happy on all levels, pending the mood, the situation, and the company all match like bed in a bag special at Wal Mart.
My personality: I am generally a happy, sarcastic giver who will do anything for another with good ol’ southern hospitality, but given the opportunity, would be just as happy cozying up on the couch with a good book, sans company save the farting dogs. I think I am easily liked, when you can crack an initially shy outer covering. I do not have many friends, but the ones I do have will be around for a long while. I can fly by the seat of my pants, so long as I can bring the herd or find them a sitter, I am truly game for just about anything. Though mind you, do not make me choose, because as I said before, I really do not have a strong opinion either way in the matter. My personality is about as complex, yet adaptable, as these “P” definitions in the Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary.

Thank you, and good night.