Ten Things I Hate About...me??

Monday, January 14, 2008 9:41 pm

Hate is such a strong word, but the reality is, we are our own worst judge, and we certainly do hate certain aspects of our own existence. In our own eyes, we tend not to be smart enough, handsome enough, thin enough. Yet, to others, we are certainly slender, handsome, intelligent beings. Why are we so hard on our own image?
I cannot answer that question for you because I know I am just as guilty as the next. Which is why, in light of the New Year, I have decided to offer a note regarding one thing I hate: resolutions. Call me the “bah humbug” for the celebration of “wiping the slate clean” or “starting anew,” I just cannot come to peace with the idea of facing myself in the mirror, naming off the things I hate about the image reflected and resolve to change.
Sadly, soapbox aside…I have succumbed to the band wagon. Here I offer my ten things for the New Year. And I plan to take ALL year to work on my ten things. My little list has no major life changes (like running away to Boston for culinary school), because I do not yet know what fate beholds in my tarot cards. In addition, I refuse to reflect TOO much on 07, because frankly my dear, it sucked. Besides, you cannot change a “should have done.”
So with out further ado, Ten Things I Hate …

1. I hate my routine…or lack there of one. I like the idea of knowing what I am doing each day. Monday is Riverwalk Jazz, Tuesday is House, Wednesday is program, Thursday is ER… you get the picture. I had it going for all of three months in 07. I knew what to expect each day, not down to the minute, mind you, but each day was defined. My house was clean because it was all part of my routine…then it hit: a horrible slap in the face by Miss Reality. I was single - Sugar Honey Iced Tea… Sweet Holy Intimidating Turf...
"Folks to your right you will witness the miserable, unmotivated train wreck once known as a comfortable existence." How long would it take YOU to clean up the mess. Thankfully, I think I am getting back on track. I am finally cleaning up the pieces and shoving the leftovers under the bed and MOVING ON. That is: Moving on back to a simple routine. And it is a nice comforting blanket in winter.

2. I hate that it has been three months since my last post. I really have been writing, Mrs. Pemberton, honest. My journal is filling each day with jots of ideas and run on paragraphs. But for some reason, the little gnomes have not come out at night to transfer those tid bits to my computer screen. Call me old fashioned, but I like writing on paper. If I deserve any slack what so ever, it is due to the fact that I do not have internet at home. That, and the elves do not have my forwarding address.

3. I hate that I am becoming my dad. Do not get me wrong, he is a wonderful person…albeit a grouch from time to time. I find myself complaining WAY too much. And it is usually about the same couple of people. Since when have I become such a donkey? Where the hell has my “Seek Peace and Pursue It” attitude gone? (look back to parts of 05 and 06 and you will see where it started to erode, then notice in 07 the rush of acid rain). I do not like to be bitter. I do not like holding this chip of a redwood on my shoulder…it hurts. Get ready world, please welcome back to the stage Miss “so optimistic it makes me want to vomit”!

4. I hate that I am not in touch with my history. Je suis Francais. J'apprendrai francais cette annee.

5. I hate that I do not write enough. Ok. I do write every day. But my writings are very private. I would like to share my jottings more, in the form of correspondences, posts, emails. I miss the days of snail mail.

6. I hate that I have become a routine cook. There are times when routine is good and boring. For an artist in the kitchen to be preparing the same song and dance, or rice and beans, every night, well, it is time to extend the palate. I have several cookbooks awaiting my experimentation…like tofu tamale pie. Um, yeah. I do not really know about that either, but it IS an experiment.

7. I hate that I am so lax with my running. I do my 5 k’s throughout the year, but then it is so easy to decide not to run. I do not feel crazy enough to kill myself over a marathon, but if that is what it will take to motivate, then look out Washington DC. In October there is a marathon that may be calling my name!! If not 26 miles (because really, I get bored doing 6!!) then certainly a half marathon will be in my cards this year.

8. I hate that my dogs miss me. Really, they love the quality time. Well, they love the walkies. And since my job insists on being so demanding, something has got to give. To be honest, the herd is more important. I will get home at night in time to take them for their roam of the neighborhood…besides, I think Molly likes to flirt with the rotties on the corner.

9 and 10. I hate the state of my home. No hurricane need come by this way. I, with the “herd’s” help, have succeeded in making the mess worthy of any category 4. But, to revert back to number one, I have worked back to my routine. My house is falling into a cleaner array. My weekends, when such a time exists, can be devoted to those “honey do’s” I have. For example, I love to paint. Though I could not paint you a landscape to save my life, (I do kick butt with some stick figures however) my walls have been screaming for some color. Especially that peach and toothpaste green on my exterior, making my house stand out like rotten fruit in a still life. And really, it is time to cover Molly’s excavation sites in my back yard. It is becoming a hard hat area back there. She is a money hungry pirate searching for buried treasure in my yard. Honestly, for her effort, I hope she finds some, and shares!
I plan to host a fish fry this summer: on a brand new patio, with the herd safely padlocked behind a new little fence. My hibiscus will once again be in bloom, from the front yard! And my regrets to Molly’s archeology career.

So, not too bad, hm?
Come back next week to see how goes number two.

PS.
A side resolution…
I resolve to take down my Christmas stuff BEFORE the ides of March. Really. I never like putting out my Christmas, because I know I will have to take it down again in a month. Yet reality sets in with my procrastinator attitude, and I am dancing around the May Pole with a Christmas tree twinkling from my back bedroom. Maybe 08 will see that stuff put away by Valentines?